This Valentine's day, and the place to find happiness

During a class at Fresno Pacific University, a speaker asked one of the spouses in the audience:

"Does your husband make you happy?"

At this moment, the husband stood up straighter, showing complete confidence. He knew his wife would say yes, because she had never complained about anything during their marriage.

However, his wife answered the question with a resounding "No." "No, my husband does not make me happy."

The husband was baffled, but his wife continued:

"My husband never made me happy, and he does not make me happy. I am happy."

"Whether I am happy or not is dependent not on him, but on me. I am the only person on whom my happiness depends.

I choose to be happy in every situation and every moment of my life, for if my happiness depended on another person, thing or circumstance, I would be in serious trouble.

Everything that exists in this life constantly changes: the human being, the riches, my body, the climate, my boss, the pleasures, the friends, and my physical and mental health. I could quote an endless list.

I need to decide to be happy regardless of anything else that happens. Whether I own a lot or a little, I am happy! Whether I'm going out or staying home alone, ​​I'm happy! Whether I am rich or poor, I am happy!

I am married, but I was already happy when I was single.
I'm happy for myself.

I love my life not because my life is easier than anyone else's, but because I have decided to be happy as an individual. I am responsible for my happiness.

When I take this obligation from my husband and anyone else, I free them from the burden of carrying me on their shoulders. It makes everyone's life much lighter.

And that's how I've had a successful marriage for so many years."

Never give anyone else the responsibility to control your happiness. Be happy, even if it's hot, even if you're sick, even if you do not have money, even if someone has hurt you, even if someone does not love you and even if you do not value yourself.

Resilience

There's a lot that trying times can remind you. Most of all, they bring back your ability to be malleable. Hurricane Harvey for the first time displaced me from my home and my ability to access it. It became clear to me how important it was to be resilient in times you are separated from what want and what you can have.

Good Memory - A double edged sword

Since a kid I was complimented to have the best memory in class. It was just the right skill a high school student needed in an Asian school environment where good grades were heavily dependent on memory. I wasn't smart enough and I knew all along that I couldn't thrive in a difficult or tricky environment if I couldn't in that situation count on my memory. When I came to University and then eventually to the work world, I saw how my good memory was not paying me much dividends.

At age 29, I have understood the true negative of my good memory. I have carried the baggage of my nasty/bad relationships (especially those were people had intentionally wronged me) and I am constantly allowing it to add cumulatively to a pre-existing and pretty full compartment in my mind. A family member once responded with harshness at the way a news was delivered to him rather than a smile on his face and love in his heart at the sweetness of the content of the news. Today as this same individual is celebrating a big day, I feel restless, not because of his actions but because of my own good memory problem. Fact is that I probably meant peanuts to this individual, but I have allowed something in my own power to not be able to feel happy in a joyous moment,

Good memory can certainly allow less pragmatic people to stagnant their growth and achievements some times. If only memories were selective for me, and I can chose which ones to keep and which ones to move past.