Countdown-14 :)

coz ill be home soon,
And that'll be my reward for working hard :)

Countdown-17

"If i don't sound as morose as I should right now, I am sorry to disappoint you"

love u nani...

coz everything in life couldnt be done alone...
Its ok to get help

And Coz God couldnt be everywhere...
He made families

Its all about trying harder than before.
Pushing your limits a little higher than before
step by step
And how amazed you'll get seeing what u're capable of achieving.

Pain is an easy thing to bear, fear is harder to conquer.
And youre done fighting the battle, after conquering the fear, not pain.

Well said...

We die to long for more than we have
Search for more than whats written in our destiny

The greed for a better future is what gets to us...
And makes us lose all we have in present

Coz all our life,the search makes us run...
And we forget to be content with anything

Eventually, the greed, the search never gets over
what does get over, is the time we had to be happy.

coz it takes a human to make mistakes...
And takes a bigger human to forgive them...
In life, we learn to accept they happen...
And learn from the way others forgave ours...

Thanks for forgiving every time I made a mistake. Thanks =)

At the airport-on a special day

There's something about this day that is gorgeous...

With support of best friends from 3 phases of life-school, college, current

With trust on changing stars

With overwhelmingly good news from a best friend

With love from unsaid relationships

There's something about having the best birthday ever, with some expected, some unexpected happiness.

Miss you Toronto!Coz for having being associated with 3 worlds, you God gave me the best of 2 already.

Thank you for an awesome life...thanks :) Cant't wait for another year full of happiness and love!

coz sometimes u gotta
respect the "change of heart"
accept what God has planned for you
and just move on...with the pace of life

Between this and that

Its easy to see, how I am a role model to many people...
May be somewhere, I am my own role model
I learn from my past...learn from my self control
Learn from my decisions between tough choices
Learn from how I most often did the right thing
Am I not kinda learning from these times...as trying as they look

Things I wanna achieve this summer
- read the 3 books i have clung onto
- Art of living/Any knew skill
- 2 hrs of tennis/squash/swimming/walk every 2 days
- My birthday gift to self
- A seva to baba
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

feed the ego... just feed the ego

A token of appreciation

There's absolutely no doubt that I am going to forget to mention very many people, but I'll still try.

When I left home-I was left with a call from Mananbhai, a cousin extremely dear to me. His last words were: "Thank you for everything...you mean a lot to me and I'll miss you"
I remember that hand on my head-that of Jiju's and Alpa didi's - two people who have shown unconditional love throughout my journey from high school. I want to thank these people-because you have always 'tried' to help me grow...your advice I put in my bag of experiences. I brought those to adapt to a completely new place of Canada. It has helped me see unforeseen experiences...has supported me when friends have abandoned me.

With my parents I flew to Canada knowing not a lot. We came across this very brown looking friendly guy, who provided great relief to an overwhelmed family. That guy today is my best friend, best mentor, actually an idol that has always given direction to life. Most ppl reading this know who I am talking about. Yes, its you RG. He left very early; left the country that is; not me. Thanks had never been the appropriate word then, nor is today. But, till date you're the friend who has more often than not, said the right thing...spoke my mind and my emotions. As I walk ahead in life-please stand by me.

As my first group of friends disowned me...2 people never failed to pick up my calls to hear me cry. Thanks Nida and Mazzy, you were there to give immense strength to a very timid naive person. Things have almost never gone wrong between us-just that today we don't meet as often as I wish to. These are the 2 people I can bow my head in respect...coz as in the past, even today I fail to return the debt they've laid on me. You have done more than any friend would-and a lot of what I have today, I owe to you. Thanks for pulling me back when I was contemplating to leave.

Pavi aunty-I still have your watch as a token of your blessings. You've been a mom always. Tears have always fallen out thinking about the many mornings you've gotten up to check on me while checking up on your son. Many people in this world are devoid of a mother's attention..thanks to you- I have had the luxury of being immensely loved and cared about by 2 moms.

I would now have to mention Aman-I met her in one my classes late in first year. Aman and I have gone a long way. We've done some of the craziest things together. We've supported each other through a lot. We've been a great trio with Cia, who I shall talk about soon. Aman-thanks for such a great company, for listening through a lot, to let me vent when I had to, to get angry and stop my tears when it was necessary, for a very caring family that wanted me over every time I missed home. I have faith that we will go ahead much much longer with our trio.

I now want to talk about residence..and my life as a PAL. Most people in this genre who deserve a thanks aren't reading this-but Dale, my students, and every person who made the rez training possible-You've shaped me to become a better person. You've taught me all those great lessons in life that were learnt outside the classrooms of UTm.

Cia-lol...where did we start from? and where have we ended up? From the girl I saw in the corridor-to being my family..my sis. From sharing my insecurities, to telling me whats the right thing to do, from the many taboo nites to the wonderland adventures, to now the graduation ceremonies...you have never once left me alone...never once let me be by myself. We speak a different language....but we most often have the same thing to communicate. Thanks for telling me that I was never alone-thanks for those long chats on those slumber nights...thanks thanks thanks...for the many giggles, hugs, for all the good things that happen to me when u're praying. You've given me a mom and a sister.

I also want to thank a few people who I have just begun being close to-Pooji-you've answered more than just my tax doubts..listened to more than just my Doha stories...been more than just a friend in the past one year. I know thanks aint cool enough for you-but prolly "I will plan my life lesser" might be a better form of saying you've influenced my life.You've helped me find new definitions of happiness, of God, of friends, of love.

Nikhita-every day of my life I come to know you better. Thanks being my younger sis..thanks for teaching me little and big things while being one. You've built great confidence and courage in me and helped me to protect the real me - the me I was born with, the me I had made while I was in Doha. Everyday your niceness inspires me to do the right thing, even if its not the easiest thing to do.

Sonal, thanks for direction when I needed it. Thanks for the self control when I lost the steering wheel of my life. Amit-thanks for unconditionally bringing me from point A to B, whether catching an urgent flight, or furnishing my apartment, be it a night out, or an "early morn" tim hortons hot chocolate. Thanks for being a friend when everything had fallen apart.

Lastly I would dare to thank some mighty mighty figures of life. Dad and mom-everyday I see how similar I am to you both. Everyday I miss your hand on me...but all these friends..all these great experiences would have meant nothing if you hadnt let me leave home, hadnt instilled in me my ethics, hadnt cared through every difficult time, hadnt called me back home everytime i needed to run away, hadnt nourished me through your best teachings. You're my religion, my life, you're everything you've made of me-I'll always thank God for I was given birth by the best hands...even though this far...you guys have never left me to be.

Dad, mom- I also want to thank you for giving an amazing older sister. Sis- you've often been my conscience...many times that I have asked myself :what would di do in this situation...and there I got my almost perfect answer. You've taught me great deal about guys...about university...about having education...about love and family about being your own strength in times of crisis.

Tomorrow is my day...this day that you guys made possible=)

We all make mistakes
Its up to you to learn from them
God's given you a second chance
Its up to you
to strengthen yourself
or go back to your weak moments
to come out of a circle
or repent all your life

When I get older, I will be stronger
And they'll call me freedom
Jus like a wavin flag...

We always tend to see what others have
They set our ground rules for what our ideal needs should be

She has more of this, he has less of this
With every friend, with every foe, we compare

Sometimes feel proud, sometimes envy
As if this entire world we're living in, is a battlefield

I have nothing, that I don't deserve
Nothing that I haven't fought for, struggled or cried for

And for the things I haven't gotten easily
I am still trying, working hard, to correct past mistakes

Between simple jokes-I am still shaken by what I heard, saw and read-life gotta be less complicated than this...

Don't be sad
What doesnt kill u only makes you stronger,
teaches you a few things left unlearnt
teaches you to detach
teaches you to bring more smiles
teaches you to value family
teaches you about the balance in life
between all you have and all you want

I am praying for you
and I am hoping that this happened
coz you had to get better
& prepare for the best to come ur way

this trip...this happiness...
pleasure of meeting someone who knows you
understands every word, every emotion
who doesn't judge, but is with you
through right and wrong, to guide
to help, to share, to worry about you

this long awaited meet with the one
who has always given direction
has shown faith, has shown concern
this everything that God has given me
in the last few weeks...
will be cherished all my life...

thanks doesnt sum up all my emotions
but i'll want God to be there with you
through all you do,
would want you to be happy
and smile always =)

I am scared a few tears may fall out when i see you..
few more days...few more days

"Coz I feel I never tried hard enough
And when I did
the world couldn't get happier..."
"coz closure is 2-sided...most likely when u'll need it from me, u'll get it"

CMU grad tomorrow...how time flies...
how it waits for nobody...
end of a milestone or beginning of a new one?
...who knows where life will lead us next
...what now will be thrown at us?
Thanks for some wonderful memories
tomorrow is my chance
to thank RD and AS :)

Coz its time to say bye bye
and its time to go back home
with a new vision and a new prespective
with a new way to find happiness

Tum mile...toh kinara mil gaya :)

one more wonderful day added to the many memories..
My friend-thanks for hearing me cry,
A-you might be big, but u're a much bigger person:P
Deserve every bit of this, that the good is karma,
it comes back to you in many forms
:)

To my dad, who is the best man I have ever met :)

my dad's a great person,
so warm, so affectionate
so giving, so practical,
so thoughtful, and so loving...

Dad, I really want to tell you this...
my eyes filled with happiness when you told me this
"you're a nice person too, you've given a lot to others and it'll come back"
thanks dad, thanks

its your niceness, the respect these ppl have for you
that gets returned...mom n dad-you both are the best match ever

dying to see you soon, dad-thanks to the bond you've never left to die
mom-thanks to the affection that motivates me to come back passionately to a place where I have lost base with friends...DOHA is where I wanna go, coz that's the place we built our home...

Bonds

The bond I shared...
No you lied...I am very similar to you...
May be not with internal personality
But with our situations

I reached a new high today
Much higher than before
With things we never brought up
I released many unspoken treasures
where I felt secure, not-judged
and I hope you felt the same

No, I am not in a playing field
No, my emotions are still alive
No, there is logic to the way I feel
No, there is someone who understands me

the worst part of life-
is when you are helpless,
when you have to ask for help

And this is the reason why-
i have broken down, torn
i m forced to ask ask n ask

I wonder why you made me
the way I am, dad
why am I much like you

Today, I know where
my respect for self stands...
its high up a mountain

thats not why I am not assertive
the reason is my respect for others
is placed there too...

appreciate,
grateful,
giving,
thankful,

These are strong words and how consistent they've been for some people. This weekend I thanked someone who deserved it for many years. it will remain consistent as i both bond and lose bond with that friend.

Love is a shallow word...I respect you

coz sometimes strength comes
from the moments that are weak
And as much u absorb, one day
ill be back to being the real me

Coz everything is falling apart again today and the choice i've made is to stand by my side-
and strongly just move towards the way fate is turning my life

There are times in life
you are weak, you've given into your thoughts..
you're given into your nature
you've lost the steering will of your life

and then there are times,
you regain that control, stand by urself
you become strong...

Just imagine what a chaos this world
would've really been...
if people lost their control...
they had lost the capacity to steer their thinking

Yes, both weak and strong moments will help you grow
but its the strong ones, u'll be proud of...
those which u wont have to fix
those which will clear your idealistic image

Today, I am at a stage, where am taming my thoughts
blocking some bad ones, blocking some that will harm me in the long run
I am doing the right thing, this moment is adding strength
I'll want to be this miss perfect all my life...
ill try...

Whats in the air is a weird thing
Its not right or wrong...
but its just very weird
People around are obsessed with "marriage", "need someone" philosophies
And the way i always thought of it-Love was meant to be something that just happens,
that 2 people meet and they connect...and the rest is destiny

But today if they don't connect..or connect differently...people ask...
make assumptions...The way things are going I think a girl and a guy could be best friends 10 yrs back, not anymore...

How i look at things? I left home 4 years back to make my destiny...ran away because the place just didn't give much credit to what I could achieve without 'any' guy in my life.
In the last 4 years, people who really helped me reach where I wanted to, supported through wrong decisions, talked to me in and out...were my friends, some best friends, and some random friends with random advices. Most of them who were there for me werent tagged in a relationship...those who were, sometimes thought I never got the pressure of a relationship...but I grew, I understood, suffered some unfortunate events and rejoiced many happy ones with my 'friends', created memories with them that will last a lifetime...
and I could never have grown with such respect if I had that somebody who I constantly depended on here too.

I don't say to be in love is a bad thing...its by far the most pleasurable moments of life-what I fail to understand is that at the peak of our careers and at the peak of our lives, is it one of the most crucial needs beyond without which u feel like a failure?or you constantly feel alone?is it something you can't do without especially if you're yet to meet the right person?My answer is no...and I dunno whats yours...

I am still very optimistic about finding the right person just when the time is right...:)

I feel strong...I feel positive-

To the one person who has been responsible for my dreams, setting goals and achieving them-thanks:)

Things will be fine, they'll have to...as you've been there for all your friends, just be with yourself and you'll see its all working fine.

Hope to see you soon, looking forward to the good times...cant wait :)

You mean a lot to me too

I'll tell you thank you
And I'll keep telling you that...

This is my answer to your question-
yes I do know I mean a lot to you

And you mean much more
as family u'll stay...strong and steady

through my worst times...listen to me crib
sometimes tell me how awesome I am

What I predicted was right
you are here again...when ppl have left

what are you made of
that you've forgiven me for my worst mistakes

without an apology...without complaining
and still keep bringing the best inside of me

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

We're praying for you...U have fought quite many battles...you'll fight with this just fine
Mom-I wish I was there to support you, everything will be just fine :)

Brickwalls are meant to show us how much we really want to achieve our dreams...they're meant to stop the other people. I broke some brickwalls today...Once in lifetime patience and perseverance helped in realizing my goals...
Leaving of Montreal soon-hopefully fun times!

to Aman and Cia

Its a little impossible without the 2 of you...
My friends...You complete me...
Over the 3 yrs you've brought the best in me
and worked hard to make me better
Thanks for everything...much love <3

To the apple of my eye- hope u have a great day :)
'R'- if only you were here! :)

When you're lacking that push to your life-10 minute motivation therapy :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ya9BXClRw

A fear an anxiety is rushing all through my system right now.
i am very disturbed...and I am scared to ask for help.
I dont knw if you exist god...if you do be there for the family.
on whom u've showered grief and barrens of dust and unhappiness.

if u're a writer-and u're cooling by using a mac...
Try omni writer...:)
Best place to get pleasure in solitude...

Randomly content

I dont know if I am growing with love,
or love is growing with passing time
what I do know is that I am content
with the happiness and support
I had long deserved but was deprived of

I dont care about the term "marriage"
Theres so much left to fulfil
So much left to smile about
to enjoy to flirt around to be urself
just one last time, this one last stage
Those man-tears may never come out
lol...but before I marry
..Ill definitely be blissful

My goals are far fetched
there's a lot more to achieve
I have to get faster at
realizing my childhood dreams

Wow...
never knew it takes a yr to feel better about something so long forgotten...
Doesnt matter where in the world u're
Its upto you to make your life happier...
Its not the place...but how u juggle your problems that determines how happy u can get...
Dont knw how long it will take me to forget that night...

Loved the first week of the yr!..

This is what I wrote on my flight back-

"My mind is juggling ideas, thoughts, ways to make this problem easier, to defeat my natural instinct to feel bad, to feel hurt, to feel like this can be made better. To find any practical solution that can make me feel lighter.

I go back and think to myself-no I tried hard. I did all I could and the rest was destiny. I don't think of God as the one who controls everything. He is an intermediary, a very kind figure who is there to make our life less worse. He's trying all he can to make it a little easier. Sometimes, he is successful, sometimes stronger defeats him.

J was the highlight of my trip. It was just so good to plan that afternoon with him. Once in a while, Ill think of his niceness, and remember - if to no1 else, it matters to him. As if he says "I care for you, I respect you... I want to preserve this as good friends"

Another highlight was of-course...N bothered me...a very good sign I am human, once in a while jealous. Its gone, its chnged and I forget very quickly...I demanded this change. I will breathe hard and tell myself- its okay, its normal. I need to forgive myself if I need somethings to help me going a demanding life once in a while.

Excited to be back...Waiting to meet the dot dot ppl.

And thinking of what dad said-life is never easy. You make the not-so-easy-part fun...I went thru the many hurdles...made some mistakes and reached where I am...it never came to me easy and it shouldnt either to you....Thats how ull get to where I am

The words of 2009:
"While you went thru the bad side of being in a relationship...and you were devoid of all the good side of it" Thats why may be...eventhough i never dated...i knew exactly how bitter it could be...and I am too scared to get into one coz well, i have never really touched the good side of it...lol!
wow...ill be out of touch for a bit...big thinfs coming up...cya soon and Happy 2010!