there are some words that I spoke to mom today
which were reality
which were far from the world that my mind
and heart are forcing me to live in

I think I must have the strngth
that I wish my family possess,
Ill be strong,
Ill do the right thing,
Ill stand by myself
so that after many years
Ill be proud of myself,
the way I am right now
in this moment of truth.

Bhool kar tumko na jee payenge
Saath tum hoge jahan jayenge
Ham koi waqt nahin hain hamdam
Jab bulaaoge chale aayenge

cluttered, pierced, hurt and unspoken

I dont know what to do,
give it sometime or act closer towards it...
wait or just be on the lookout for a new hope
talk or not to talk
to express or not to express
This is really it..and I can take no more
I am so confused
I dunno what to do
what to say
to get that peace again
to get that happiness again
to get that life again
for which I compromised
a zillion other things

that stupid whore who took away my confidence
that rude, conscious-less bus driver...

4 things from emily's new work

1) some things I will forever keep private, sacred.
2)But if seeing him again-and merely touching his hand-could peel so many layers of my heart, then did I ever stop loving him the way you're supposed to stop loving everyone but the one you're with?If the answer is no, then will the lapse of time or a change of geography really fix the problem?And regardless of the answer, what does the mere question say about my relationship with Andy?
3)"I just felt desperate to finish the school year, get in a new routine...a new place where I wasn't always reminded of Mom..."-my fav.
4)I think back to Leo's earlier comments today, about how he took himself too serious;y. Maybe that was tru, but I can also see that I didnt take myself seriously enough. and it was that lethal combinstion that made our breakup virtually inevitable.

his random message today made me feel a little scared, and also a little confident...The comment was so random, it even lost its humor if it had any..
I want to deeply thank my mom's prayers and my lord for the last 2 days at work- they were very crucial, very needful, and probably the best new life I have ever gotten.
Aman and cia..you guys are deeply missed but that doesnt mean ill go back to messaging him again. And I so proud of myself for not having messaged him or spoken to him. Its the confidence in me that will make me stronger, not somebody's fake words or fake actions.
"the most true explanations in life are the simplest" and I am living a happy life with simplicity its core.